#Radio silence in a relationship how to#

His birthday is the month after mine but he didn't want me to see him for that either. About a week after my birthday he informed me that he thought it would be best if we did our own things over the summer. My birthday marks the start of summer I spent the day with him and we both had a blast.

To my surprise after he told me he wasn't really looking for a relationship, we continued to get closer and even faster than before. To be totally honest I figured he would never see me again once I told him. The first time I saw him I fell in love with him, a few weeks later I told him I liked him. I have a friend and over the corse of just a few months we became very close. And of course its less complex/awkward with friends than any kind of romantic relationship with the opposite sex(or same sex if you're gay I suppose).

Its not neccessarily relaxing like it may be for most people. Its work, it doesn't come natural, so while its something we desire its work basically. Most people with Aspergers I think I'm just going off my own personal experience have to think long and hard about what they say and do in social situations. As a matter of fact some people(not just Aspies its a general psychological problem that can happen to anyone) deal with that kind of abuse by actually trying to make sure no one likes them so they can stay in their comfort zone. Its like this is what I hoped for but now what do you do? Also years of being an outcast picked on psychologically and physically abused means I tend to assume at a subconscious level people probably won't like me, when reality turns out not to match you deep seated insecurites it can be exciting but also frightening. Sometimes when I find I click with someone and they want to become friends or more I get nervous. We tend to have a hard time understanding the way the majority of people interact. Most people with Aspergers, like most people want social relationships. Also, I see a big difference between Aspies and Sociopaths, Sociopaths seem to jump right in and try to charm everyone to get what they want in social settings.

A lesson that is often learned the hard way by some of us. The part you wrote about the sociopaths in the work place relates to Aspies in that, Aspies can sometimes be the target of 'Socios'. Some avoid me, others accept our superficial relationship for what it is, others just seem to wonder about me. They have, by this time, noticed my difference from them and each deals with it according to their individuality. Two years later I am still on a very superficial level with them. They seem to have endless things to say and talk about with each other. They even take their friendship beyond the office and talk about the bike rides they went on or the other activities they did together. I notice that all my fellow students and co-workers have no issue in becoming buddies and laughing and joking and hanging out. I have issues with work place/school relationships not progressing to the next level. I can't even get as far as to get into a relationship. Many of us with Aspergers grew up with family members who we couldn't trust and when a parent is one of those, a lot of our issues go underground, in which case we won't be sharing with you the straw that broke the camel's back, and we will seem very mysterious (not in a good way). I'm sure a few of those potential friends wondered what happened when they didn't get asked back after I'd been to their homes, even though I clearly liked them. I had NT siblings who could bring friends home, so I knew the problem was with my selection process, but I didn't have anyone to ask about such things. By the time I was in junior high, it was easier to keep my distance from people than to explain why I couldn't have them over. When I was young, I knew when my mother didn't like a child that I brought round home. It's not personal, just a reflection of how the concept of social reciprocity is a struggle for us. Since an NT doesn't understand what an effort we've been making, they're liable to think us cold when we stop trying so hard. We take longer to figure out when it won't work, and then we may stop trying.

#Radio silence in a relationship how to#

We Aspies often don't know what we want or how to ask for it, and it makes relationships hard work. When it comes to relationships, NTs negotiate them.